Written by Emily
Happy Almost Mother’s Day, moms. I’m sorry to add to the deluge of reminders from jewelers, florists, your kids’ pre-school/school teachers, car dealers, and real estate agents that this “holiday” is looming. Message received…by us*. Our children, who have no real concept of time, might know it’s coming, but they don’t really know when it is…even if they’re in high school, especially if they’re in college and definitely if they’re grown…unless you have a super-fabulous prodigy child with exceptional emotional intelligence, and if you do, I don’t really want to hear about it.
I’m not sure what your situation is, but, spoiler alert, you’re probably not getting real estate this Mother’s Day. I’m not even sure there are diamonds in your future, but let’s be honest, there are more meaningful, doable Mother’s Day gifts (and I don’t mean a card with your child’s handprint). Like these, for example, that I truly hope you get this Mother’s Day or any day between this special day and the next one (no Pinterest needed).
♥ A stress-free bath time. I’m not wishing you a relaxing bubble bath with wine and candlelight and a novel to read–so cliche. No. I’m wishing you a bath time where you don’t have to remind your children to stop putting the bath water in their mouths. I’m hoping just once that you don’t have to remind them that their bottoms are in the water, too–the bottoms that they’ve only just learned how to wipe on their own, the bottoms that are almost out of reach for their tiny arms, the bottoms that are probably not really wiped at all.
♥ A few car rides without this:
Don’t click on that link. It’s 14 seconds of my children screaming–all three of them. They’re happy, but they’re screaming. ALL. THREE. OF. THEM. in the car. For no reason.
♥ A moment, maybe even a few moments, to check your Twitter feed and Facebook wall (or read a few pages of a novel if you’re into that) without having to duck into the bathroom behind a smokescreen of tummy trouble or a longer-than-usual #2. I wish you some couch time. Real couch time.
♥ A good hair day. I can’t wish you hair that magically looks perfect; I don’t have a genie in a lamp, but I wish you the time you need to pamper yourself enough to get the ponytail holder right where you want it or the product evenly distributed before a child appears at your feet or pounds on the bathroom door.
♥ A full day without stains and smears and caked-on mystery marks. I wish you a shirt that screams, “I’m a fashionista” and not “I am the woman in the shoe” (you know, the one with so many children she didn’t know what to do…for example, check her shirt for mucus or baby food).
♥ Naptime for everyone in the house! Two-hour minimum? YES!
♥ A guilt-free day. Guilt-free for an entire day. Whole day. No exceptions.
♥ A to-do list with a checkmark next to every item. You accomplished everything, and well. Oh what the heck, you even get to line up the fam and run past them with your hand out to receive high-fives. Then, spontaneously, the hubs hoists you into the air and parades you around the house to the sound of your adoring fans. And when he puts you down, he says, “Have you lost weight?” Okay, that whole day is a big one, but I hope it’s in your future.
♥ “You got it, mom!” instead of “Just a minute…” or “I already did that” instead of “I didn’t even get that toy out!” or “Let me get that for you, mom!” rather than “Can I have…?” or “How can I help?” and never “What?! Noooooooooooooooooo!”
♥ Oh, screw it. Diamonds, flowers, a car, and real estate. Heck, if there were an hourly wage for parenting, you’d be able to afford these things on your own, anyway. But there isn’t, so…Happy Mother’s Day.
This doesn’t apply to you? Ok, well, if you could just do me a solid and forward this to my husband, I would really appreciate it. I do hope you get what you want this Mother’s Day, too. Really. I do.
*Note: Upon discussing the topic of this post with my father, he paused in all seriousness and said, “Wait. When is Mother’s Day?” Apparently not everyone is getting the message.